Your Face Is Stupid!

Self-Proclaimed Warlock Threatening Violence With Futuristic Weapons

Newhaven, Connecticut: Police were dispatched to the basement of a local home after a concerned citizen alerted police to disturbing noises including shouting, screaming and crying. Upon arrival police heard shouts from a self-proclaimed Warlock claiming that he would never be taken alive and that he had sufficient manna to last indefinitely. Later, when police were fielding inquiries from a neighboring resident (pictured below) the suspect made his escape by stealing his mother’s Astrovan.

Police Calm a Bystander

Above is a recent photo of the suspect who appeared to be using the picture on line as evidence of his prowess as a dangerous criminal and master of darkness to be both feared and respected. Upon further investigation it has come to light that the domestic disturbance arose between the suspect and a friend over which one of them would date the hypothetical love-interest over which they both pine. The situation escalated after the suspect took a photo of the aforementioned hypothetical love-interest into the bathroom for some “me-time”. The suspect’s mother could only comment that she needed the van back so she could go to Walmart and stock up store-brand menthol cigarettes and boxed wine.

Argument Over Nonexistant Girlfriend Started Altercation